Let’s be real: parenting is hard.

Parenting a kid with ADHD? Really hard.

Parenting a kid with ADHD when you also have ADHD? That’s a whole different ball game.

That’s my life. I’m raising a smart, energetic, hilarious 10-year-old boy who has ADHD—and I’ve got it, too. Most days feel like a mix of chaos, love, dropped balls, and lots of mini victories. And in between all of that? A whole lot of advocating—for him, for me, for how we both experience the world.

So, here’s what it’s like, and why speaking up about it matters.

We’re Not “Chaotic”—We’re Neurodivergent

Is my wardrobe more like a floordrobe? Sometimes.

Are we late? Often.

Do we forget things? Constantly.

But that doesn’t make us lazy or irresponsible. It just means our brains are wired differently. The world doesn’t always work for people like us—and so we’re constantly building workarounds and anticipating a necessary adjustment.

When my son gets in trouble at school for talking over others, for not sitting still, for stimming “too much”, I know exactly what that feels like. I will not leave him to fight for himself.

So I speak up.

Not just for him—but for all the kids (and parents) who are misunderstood, mislabeled, or overlooked because their ADHD doesn’t “look the way people expect.”

Let’s Talk About Schools

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had to explain the importance of adapted language and low-demands (Tourette’s, RSD, OCD and PDA) to teachers, staff, and even those whose roles are specifically SEN-focused. And honestly, I shouldn’t have to.

ADHD isn’t new – Rejection sensitivity is easily managed with adapted language – Tourettes has more information being shared now than ever before. 

And none of these diagnoses are all that rare. But a lot of schools still treat our children like one big behaviour problem instead of a little person with a neurodiverse brain and a lot to give. This often means kids get punished for things they can’t control (like forgetting homework or needing to move). Parents get judged for not “being more consistent.” And support is often only given when things get really bad.

So yeah—I advocate.

I have spent years fighting for an EHCP (that has finally been agreed and is in effect!!!) I never need a parents evening appointment because I speak to my son’s teacher and staff every single day. I share new behaviours / triggers / stims with the school team every time they pop up. I share every little win we have with the whole world! I will never stop reminding everyone that will listen, that my son’s brain isn’t broken- just like mine: it’s different, and he deserves support, not shame.

But What About Me? The ADHD Parent?

It is exhausting being the one holding it all together – most parents share that feeling. But I imagine even more so, when your own executive functioning is all over the place. 

I lose track of time.

I forget appointments and names and events.

I get overwhelmed easily.

And yes, I yell when I don’t mean to.

But I’m also really good at understanding my kid. I get his big emotions. I know what it’s like to feel like your brain won’t cooperate. I know the deep shame of being “too much” or “not enough.”

And honestly? That kind of empathy is a parenting superpower.

ADHD parents  don’t get enough credit, or enough help. There are very few support systems built with us in mind. We need more understanding, more resources, and less judgment: we need more like SPACE.

What Advocacy Looks Like for Us

It’s not always loud. Sometimes it’s just:

Telling my son his brain is awesome, even if it works differently: enjoying every different way our brains are pedalling!

Pushing back and saying “no” when social demands would create barriers and negative emotions.

Asking for every single adjustment to be made without feeling an ounce of guilt – because he deserves it all.

Saying, “Actually, I have ADHD too—and this is what helps me” without worrying about “Oh – aren’t we all a bit ADHD?”

Choosing connection over control, even on the messy days.

If You’re in the Same Boat

If you’re a parent with ADHD raising a child with ADHD, I just want to say this:

You’re not failing.

You’re not alone.

You’re doing advocacy work every single day, even when it just looks like surviving.

Your experience matters. Your voice matters. And your story is part of changing the way the world sees ADHD

So speak up when you can. Take breaks when you need to. And don’t ever let anyone make you feel like you’re not enough—because you are.

And don’t forget that your fight will absolutely be worth it – the years of EHCP appeals; CAMHS appointments; GP referrals; SENCo meetings; therapy; adjustments; school refusing; flight responses and changes to what you thought life might look like will result in the most incredible relationship with your beautiful little soul, who will amaze you with their wins every day.

Léla Jack-Stubbs